THE TALE OF CUSTARD THE DRAGON
By Ogden Nash
Belinda lived in a little white house,
With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,
And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.
Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,
And the little gray mouse, she called her Blink,
And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard,
But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.
Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth,
And spikes on top of him and scales underneath,
Mouth like a fireplace, chimney for a nose,
And realio, trulio, daggers on his toes.
Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,
Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Belinda tickled him, she tickled him unmerciful,
Ink, Blink and Mustard, they rudely called him Percival,
They all sat laughing in the little red wagon
At the realio, trulio, cowardly dragon.
Belinda giggled till she shook the house,
And Blink said Week!, which is giggling for a mouse,
Ink and Mustard rudely asked his age,
When Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Suddenly, suddenly they heard a nasty sound,
And Mustard growled, and they all looked around.
Meowch! cried Ink, and Ooh! cried Belinda,
For there was a pirate, climbing in the winda.
Pistol in his left hand, pistol in his right,
And he held in his teeth a cutlass bright,
His beard was black, one leg was wood;
It was clear that the pirate meant no good.
Belinda paled, and she cried, Help! Help!
But Mustard fled with a terrified yelp,
Ink trickled down to the bottom of the household,
And little mouse Blink strategically mouseholed.
But up jumped Custard, snorting like an engine,
Clashed his tail like irons in a dungeon,
With a clatter and a clank and a jangling squirm
He went at the pirate like a robin at a worm.
The pirate gaped at Belinda's dragon,
And gulped some grog from his pocket flagon,
He fired two bullets but they didn't hit,
And Custard gobbled him, every bit.
Belinda embraced him, Mustard licked him,
No one mourned for his pirate victim
Ink and Blink in glee did gyrate
Around the dragon that ate the pyrate.
Belinda still lives in her little white house,
With her little black kitten and her little gray mouse,
And her little yellow dog and her little red wagon,
And her realio, trulio, little pet dragon.
Belinda is as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chase lions down the stairs,
Mustard is as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard keeps crying for a nice safe cage.
"There is 'my' health, which is 'mine', and 'your' health which is 'yours', but there is no 'our' health. D'you see?
Winne Langley celebrated her 100th birthday the best way she knows how - smoking
An iron-lunged pensioner has celebrated her 100th birthday by lighting up her 170,000th cigerette from a candle on her birthday cake.
Winnie Langley started smoking only days after the First World War broke out in June 1914 when she was just seven-years-old - and has got through five a day ever since.
She has no intention of quitting, even after the nationwide ban forced tobacco-lovers outside.
Speaking at her 100th birthday party Winnie said: "I have smoked ever since infant school and I have never thought about quitting.
Winnie, from Croydon, South London, claims tobacco has never made her ill.
She has outlived a husband, Robert, and son, Donald, who died two years ago aged 72.
The former launderette worker said she started the habit in 1914 - just weeks after the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in Sarajevo on June 28 - which sparked the First World War.
The 100-year-old, who is awaiting her telegram from the Queen today, said smoking helped calm her nerves during the two World Wars.
She said: "A lot of people smoked during the war. It helped steady the nerves."
Sir Dayvd (who on his Hundreth will do a little dance and Sing "My Way ")
And you even managed to bring in some continuity to yesterday's pirate theme. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteOn my hundredth I will drink and cuss and talk inappropriately about sex. My great-grandchildren will inevitably think I'm adorable and say things like, "Oh, Grandma, you're incorrigible." Then I'll flip them off with my wrinkled arthritic finger and a smile.
I will be delightful.
Lady T. (who is indeed NOT leaving on a jet plane, but wishes she were so she could use it in this sign off) of Pickerington
heh yeah and Ogden even managed to rhyme Pirate with Gyrate.. I tell ya... J-Z and the rest of the king rappers have nothing on Ogden.. He was an utter genius. LOl...
ReplyDeleteOf O.
Here's to Winnie and all who Dare to Be Sovereign Rulers of Their Own Lives!
ReplyDeleteLove your life...it's the only one you've got! Dare to dream...it's what makes things happen! Don't give in to despair...that's what happens when you watch too much FOX News or read too many newspapers!
Sir Hook the Aging Optimist of Warrick
Nah...no despair in my days.. that's long dealt with...
ReplyDelete... more a mild frustration.
I always like Gandhi's reply when asked what he thought of Western Civilisation, and he said he thought it would be a good idea.
of O
took a second to think about what celebrating 100 might be like...
ReplyDeleteseems a timely reminder for Sir D's " If not now, WHEN?"
halfway there you know!
just yesterday we discussed watching the news, which channel was biased which way, newspaper reading...and some decided the HGTV decorating channel was an excellent choice...or the Comedy Channel...
or a book which was my choice of the late evening
"The Undomestic Goddess" by Sophie
Kinsella
(a quick jaunt to England - when she went to Paddington Station I was right along with her in queue for the train out of London!)
I don't know about 100 years. I'm lucky to have it to this date, which is:
ReplyDelete18,045 days from the date of my birth.
Or 49 years, 4 months, 26 days excluding today.
Most of that time I did not spend speaking like a pirate, smoking cigarettes, reading Nash, or listening to Peter, Paul, and Rest Her Soul.
But, there's always today!
Sir Bowie "1,559,088,000 seconds old and counting -- I hope" of Greenbriar!
yeah Suz the Comedy Channel sounds great..:)) thats the only snag with the UK TV..only having five terrestial channels... we don't have one...:(
ReplyDelete...You used to be able to steer clear of the News programs...but now they figure people are doing this...so they have started doing this sudden on the hour... 90 second update...so you might be contented watching some nice comedy show or interesting program on Art..when up'll pop a "viddy-blast" of round the world horror like some Clockwork Orange desensitising experiment, leaving you just as suddenly...with a bunch of images that makes it next to impossible to get back into the programme you were watching...without at least a bit of guilt.
Yes we need a new Channel...I'll start one up for the KMSA network...called In-Denial TV.
Our Ancestors never had this problem.
Sir D ( who gets all the news he needs from the Weather report ) of O
while ago took the time to scan the tv guide which comes in the Sunday newspaper - and jotted down the shows that are on this week that I want to see or tape to zip through later...a habit that was born during the years when we gallantly tried to limit the daughters tv time...very limited hours for the week and only one tv in the house...so long ago lol
ReplyDeleteat the lakehouse we only are able to receive one or two channels on a clear day, so either take dvds to watch or gasp!
play cards or games or read a book if the weather isn't good for fishing or paddling or hiking the islands looking for fossils or geocaches
there are a few new tv pilots on this week, maybe one good new show this fall? we'll see...
Lady T, our mothers seems to have taken on the "say it like it is", eat what you want, smoke if you want, in their 70s -- thinking maybe I'll not wait until 100 to take on more bad habits - might even learn to tell a dirty joke if I can only remember the punch lines!
Lady Suz,
off to look for the new In-Denial channel in tv guide, must've scanned too quickly and missed that one!