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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Hell Freezes Over Just in Time for Knight's to Celebrate

That's right...the Saints Agree! Drinking a Beer as a Knight of Moleskine, Spirit and Ale is not only a Sacred event, but necessary to guarantee that hell remains frozen over. One of the first duties of a Knight is to protect the innocent and not so innocent in his charge. Sir Davyd of Oxfordshire has shared an article that he discovered that all of us wish we had the intelligence to write. So, in honor of contributing to the continuing freezing of hell last night I now share it with you:

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term paper. The answer from one student was so profound that the professor shared it with his colleagues, via the Internet, which is why we have the pleasure of enjoying too.

Bonus question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs

Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law (gas cools when
it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student,
however, wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate of which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Most of the religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there are more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one
religion we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death
rates they are, we can project the number of souls in Hell to increase

Now we look at the rate of change in the volume in Hell as Boyles Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionally as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase in souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

Which is it?

If we except the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and take into
account that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true. Thus
Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this
theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not
accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct..... leaving only Heaven
therefore proving the existence of a divine being. Which explains why, last
night, Teresa kept shouting, "Oh, my God"


Carry on my wayward sons and daughters,
Sir Hook the Hell Freezer of Warrick

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