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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Idiot Tax

Before we get too deep into the blog I have to admit it's not one of my most original ideas. In fact, it's not original at all. Like Jeff Foxworthy's line, "You must be a redneck if...." You must be an idiot if.....well, you can fill in your own blanks.

In fact, there is a very interesting website where you can make deposits that will be donated to charity for being an idiot. The ultimate idiot tax is a found at

I, on occasions of utter disgust, forget my Unity through Diversity pledge and become a collector of the Idiot Tax.

Two of my most recent collections happened fairly recently.

Last week traveling back from Indy to home, I stopped at a McDonald's to get a cup of coffee and a bottled water. There was a long line to one check out because the manager in her infinite wisdom decided to shut down the others to count money because they were so busy. This left the one open register maned by a new employee who had the blank stare of a drug induced zombie and the intelligence to match. After repeating my order three times (that's a coffee with cream and sugar and a bottled water) she finally got it entered right. She gave me my water, which I moved to the side with me while I waited on my coffee. Well, she forgot to get my coffee, so I had to remind her after she struggled with the next poor saps order. She looked down at the register and reviewed the order, forgot she gave me my water already, and gave me another one. While she went to get my coffee, which she needed two peoples help to accomplish, I decided that the extra bottle of water was a fitting collection of the idiot tax.

Another happened at Lollapalooza. While waiting for the Toxic Airborne Event to come out for their set, two teen age boys spread their mat on the ground next to us. One of them reached into his pocket to get his cell phone to start texting. As he pulled the phone out $40 fell out of his pocket and started to blow away in the wind. I stomped my foot down on the money, which got his attention, and then handed it back to him. He didn't thank me, and actually looked a little pissed. Then, he pulled out three Red Bulls and downed them for a cheap caffeine buzz before the show. Instead of keeping the cans to throw away later, or making the 30 foot walk to the nearest collection box, he shoves the cans in his forehead and crushed them, yells and throws them into the crowd as trash while laughing like the bully in the classic film The Christmas Story. He then pulls out his cell phone again. Again, the $40 comes flying out of his pocket. This time I kept the money and donated it to the Green Zone area after the set. One of my better collections of the idiot tax.

So, the next time you're thinking about being an idiot, beware of the idiot tax collectors who surround you!

Sir Hook the Tax Man of Warrick


  1. Oh, you so rock.

    Lady T. (who likes it when bullies and idiots get their comeuppance) of Pickerington

  2. Scut Farkas: "He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!"

    Yes, I'd rather collect than pay. Unfortunately, I get taxed way too often (or tax myself).

    Sir Bowie of Greenbriar

  3. Yeah is real easy to fall of the Unity through Diversity Wagon regarding Bullying Frat Jackasses and anyone who is not considerate of their surroundings and other people,.....

    Indeed the older you get the more fascist you become and want them all rounded up and put on a rock somewhere way off the coast. lol....

    then i suddenly get a mental image of myself at age 19... young and dumb and loud and racing around the island on our 750cc motorbikes with other pals. I like to think i was considerate...but i was certainly loud and in the Now...

    How does the saying go? people in glasshouses shouldn't walk around

    Sir Dayvd the Klutz..( who if he paid this tax would soon be living in a box on the street ) of O

  4. My one set of ethics would have made me given the idiots back the $40 again, but the other set really likes your alternate plan.

    Thinking back to myself at 16 is the reason I think the driving age should be 21. Riding around shooting bottle rockets at each other. Good things cell phones only existed on Star Trek at the time.

    Sir James "You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt." of Taylor

  5. .........and you try telling the kids today and they wooon't believe you."

    Sir D ( whose grandpappy was a Yorkshireman ) of O