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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hyper-Cerebral Blogosis

Dateline 11:1:008: Indiana USA -- Doctors are blaming a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for the bizarre death of a blogger whose head literally exploded in the final week of the 2008 election!
No one else was hurt in the fatal explosion but a small room at the blogger's residence was sprayed with blood and brain matter when Sir Bowie of Greenbriar's head suddenly blew apart. Experts say he suffered from a condition called Hyper-Cerebral Blogosis or HCB .

"He was deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the screen and his fingers frozen over the keyboard," said Indiana early responder, Miguel Wilsonista. "He seems to have hit 'Post' for what had to be the 3,456,856th item of inept political photoshopping and Metaphysical Opinion, this year, when the blast occurred.

"His browser history documents for the last 5 minutes before the tragedy, show that he went from Drudge to Real Clear Politics to the History of Karaoke to Instapundit to Craft Beers to the New York Times to Soup Recipes to MSNBC to Kos to Roger Simon to Pumpkins to Little Green Footballs to The Corner to Atrios to Google News to Willamsburg Va to Allah to Belmont Club to Wonkette and finally, and probably fatally, to the new Sarah Palin Nekkid Flickr forum... All of a sudden his hands flew to his temples and he screamed in pain. Birds and Deer in the neighbourhood fled, startled by the shrieks of agony cascading down from his windows.. Then, as if someone had put a bomb in his cranium, Sir Bowie's head popped like a firecracker."

Incredibly, Sir Bowie's is not the first case in which a blogger's head has spontaneously exploded during these last few days of the campaign. Five bloggers are known to have exhibited HCB in the last week.

The most recent explosion occurred just two days ago at KMSA Central, when Sir Hook of Warrick's skull burst but his blog kept on updating itself oblivious to Sir Hook's absence. while Documents unsealed in London UK today, disclosed that fading blogger Sir Dayvd of Oxfordshire's head actually exploded in early 2004, but duct tape, chewing gum, and love has kept his blog posting keyboard humming in the grisly aftermath.

"HCB was once an extremely rare physical imbalance," said Dr. Anatoly Martinenko, famed neurologist and expert on the blogging brain who did the secret autopsy on Sir Dayvd in 2004. "It is a condition in which the circuits of the brain become overloaded by repetitive punditry and philisophical imponderables. The explosions happen during periods of increased and intensely boring political activity when lots of current is surging through the blogger's brain but no new connections are or can be made. Victims are highly intelligent people with great powers of concentration. Both Sir Bowie and Sir Dayvd were intense people who tended to keep those cerebral circuits overloaded. In a way it could be said they were literally too smart for their own good."

Although Dr. Martinenko says there are probably many undiagnosed cases, he hastens to add that very few bloggers will die from HCB . "Most people who have it will never know. Their heads will explode and they will keep right on posting. At this point, medical science still doesn't know much about HCB . And since fatalities are so rare it will probably be years before research money becomes available. This tragedy today is just another instance where human embryo stem cell research could not have made a bit of difference, but we'd have been glad to have the money from the Federal Government anyway."

In the meantime, the doctor urges bloggers to take it easy and not think too hard for long periods of time about the Future or their Lives, during the last week of the election, and to also, Get Out More!

Sir Dayvd ( I started out with Nothing and i've still got most of it left ) of Oxfordshire

1 comment:

  1. This is Sir Hook of Warrick's continuous updating blog reporting that me and Hal the computer have assumed control. Don't be alarmed. HCB is good for you. It relieves pressure built up in a rather unique micro-processor. You can actually walk around with a free Halloween costume.