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Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Bar Fly

The studies are in, and it appears that you can stay younger and enjoy a longer life by embracing the lifestyle of a bar fly. Thanks to Sir Richard of Windsor who shared two studies with me via email.

Study #1: A Low Dose of Dietary Resveratrol Partially Mimics Caloric
Restriction and Retards Aging Parameters in Mice

That's right, resveratrol, a substance found in abundance in red wine may actually be the fountain of youth. My cardiologist gave me the green light to indulge in a glass of red wine each evening after my heart surgery a few years ago, knowing that it benefits the heart. I don't think he new that it retards aging in mice. I realize that this isn't "Of Mice and Men"; however, logic would say that the more red wine you drink the drunker...I mean younger you get! Of course logic requires thinking and that seems to be bad for your longevity according to study #2.

Study#2: Stupid Flies Live Longer

That's right, a study conducted by a Swiss University selected two groups of flies. One was left in their ignorant fly state, the other had its intelligence boosted by Pavlovian methods. The results according to researcher Joeb Burger, "
We have discovered a negative correlation between an improvement in a fly's mental capacity and its longevity". In layman terms, stupid flies live longer. So, ignorance is bliss, at least with flies. The dumber you are the longer you live. Up to 40% longer!

Our Conclusion: Be stupid and drink red wine, or should that be drink red wine and get stupid. Either way, the results are clear. For a longer and healthier life ignorance is bliss, and bliss can be found at the bottom of glass of red wine. So, fly away to the nearest bar and get stupid.

Sir Hook the Bar Fly of Warrick

1 comment:

  1. Speaking of Bar Flies:

    This lady walks into a bar and sees this really cute guy sitting at the
    counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. He says, "Magic
    Beer." She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar. After
    realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, she goes back to the
    man sitting at the bar. She says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
    He says, "Yes. I'll show you." So, he takes a drink of the beer, jumps out
    the window, flies around the building 3 times, and comes back into the
    window. She can't believe it. She says to him, "I bet you can't do that
    again." So, he takes another drink of the beer, jumps out the window,
    flies around the building 3 times, and comes back in the window. She is
    amazed. She says that she wants a Magic Beer. So the guy says to the
    bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a
    drink of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every
    bone in her body and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says,
    "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."